I should be in your arms, right here. right now.

the innocence of a child’s mind is something that never fails to amaze.

the beauty of life from a child’s perspective, the concept of simplicity living in his mind could be sources of comfort at times.

it was said that a child laughs 400-600 times per day, whereas grown ups, 4-6 times. Lessen by the hundreds. how vast the difference is.

Is the reality of life too hard to handle? Or that the stinging pain of the blatant truths in our lives are just so overwhelming that, with each breath we take, the pain gets stronger and deeper.. So much so that we wished that we are not breathing at all. We wished that there is no life in us. No hopes, no dreams, no goals, nothing in us and with us.

Certain hurts are not worth going through but we chose to go through it. Just like how i consciously allow those memories to resurface by looking at those photos over and over again. Trying to make sense of every expression, recalling the different looks that I once possessed. The times when I laid in your arms, the times when our lips met, the times when the embrace was so real and warmth i could feel your skin.

I gave myself the permission to be hurt. I am not sadistic; i am just dealing with unresolved buried emotions suppressed for a time long enough to be released.

I am only human. I feel with my heart, I think with my heart, I even do with my heart. These are times where I need to listen to my heart and ignore the thoughts in my head.

At least, these are times when I genuinely feel alive.

Thank you Jesus.

the conundrum in life is being in a constant race against yourself. now, why would we want to compete against ourselves?

should we not seek to love our ourselves? should we not learn to be contented with what life has given us?

whatever the reasons are, we are never satisfied or cannot be satisfied.

thoughts of inadequacy and feelings inferior complexity infills our mind almost every now and then, injecting negative effects into our broken and defeated soul.

we are not defeated by the people around us but rather by the thoughts in our mind which control almost our every action.

for mostly, we act upon our perception and beliefs. these two are based strongly upon the works in our mind, isnt it?

Personally, to love myself is a challenge i face everyday. Seriously, i struggle to love myself. there are times where i do not like the thoughts in my head.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For the thoughts I have towards you are thoughts of good and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”

this is the answer to my first struggle.

Secondly, I am a perfectionist. Therefore, I struggle to do my very best daily and to meet my daily goals. There are times, countless of times, where I am so tempted to do things haphazardly and just do it for the sake of doing. However, I was convicted. Being the child of God, I strive to do everything with a spirit of excellence, regardless of how minor a task is.

“With God, all things are possible”

“All things work out for the good of those who loved Him and is called according to His purpose”

“The joy of the Lord is my strength”

Remedies to my second struggle.

Lastly, my final struggle is the feeling of inadequacy. More often that not, I battled against thoughts of inferiority, thoughts of being small and thoughts of not being someone great, thoughts of not having much achievement.

But God will never fail to say to me, “Do not despise the days of small beginnings.” “For when you are an infant, did you not start small to get to where you are now today?

The Lord would also say, “Eye has not seen, nor ear has heard, the things that I have in mind for you, therefore, hold fast the confession of your hopes without wavering, for I am faithful, says the Lord.

“I AM FAITHFUL”, says the Lord.

Amen. thank you Jesus.

Naked Candidness.

Cheesecakes, cuppachino.

A few of life’s greatest pleasure.

A life less broken, without you.